My Mental Health
Updated: Jan 25, 2022
The first experience that I've had with society's pressures of being thin is when I was around 4 or 5. I was in ballet class and I think we were preparing for a performance when the ballet instructor told all of us to suck in our stomachs. I went home and complained to my parents about how much my stomach hurt from sucking in for 1-2 hours. I stopped going to ballet classes because I moved after my brother was born, which was probably for the best. Around the end of second grade, I got a little bigger in size because my family could afford to get desserts and sweets. I was never an unhealthily large size, but I was picked on anyways and started to eat more because it made me feel better.
Around 5th grade, I followed my dad on a weight loss thing (he wanted to lose weight as well) and then I started to excessively exercise; as in 3+ hours a day of running. I was mostly motivated out of spite for myself and my size. I lost weight and stopped after a while, but during the Pandemic, I gained back the weight and went on another diet with my dad. This time, the diet wasn't as much exercising as it was cutting back on food. After my dad stopped, I still wasn't at my 'goal weight' and stayed on the diet. I was later diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, anxiety, and depression. I recently switched schools for high school and am currently in therapy and am eating enough to take medication. It is difficult to recover from that mindset, but I do think that someday I can heal my relationship with food and with myself.